Baby Gift List Etiquette UK: Is It OK to Ask for Money, and When to Share It
Mum wants to know what to buy, your mate wants to give cash, and you do not want to sound greedy. Here is what is normal in the UK, with wording you can borrow.
In this guide · 6
Is it OK to ask for money for a baby in the UK? Yes, if you do it gently. Most people would rather be told what you need than guess, so a gift list is fine, and a line saying you would love a contribution towards a pram or the first year is fine too. Share the list when someone asks or with the invitation, about four weeks ahead, and never make it a demand.
Is it OK to ask for cash instead of gifts?
In many British families, especially South Asian, Caribbean and African ones, money is the traditional gift for a new baby, and a card with a note inside is completely normal. In other circles people expect to buy something. Neither is rude. What matters is the tone: say what the money is for ("we are saving towards the pram") rather than "please give cash".
A simple line that works: "Your company is the gift. If you would like to give something, there is a list here, and a contribution towards the cot is lovely too."
When should you share the gift list?
| Moment | What to do |
|---|---|
| Someone asks "what do you need?" | Send the link straight away. This is the best moment, because they asked. |
| With a shower invitation | About four weeks before, on its own line under the details. |
| After the 12-week scan, to close family only | Fine, if Mum or your sister is already buying. Hold it for everyone else. |
| After the baby arrives | Perfectly normal in the UK. Many people wait to see the baby first, and visitors always ask what to bring. |
| Never | In a group chat blast to people who were not invited to anything. Send it to individuals. |
There is no rule that a list must be out before the birth. Some parents prefer to wait until the baby is here, so friends can bring something useful when they visit. Our baby registry etiquette guide covers the timing in more detail.
Who should you send it to?
| Who | Send the list? |
|---|---|
| Parents, in-laws, siblings | Yes, they will ask. |
| Close friends | Yes, when they ask or with a shower invitation. |
| Work colleagues | Only if they ask. A collection for one gift is usual, so one bigger item on the list suits it. |
| Distant relatives and family abroad | Yes, they often want to help and cannot pop round. A link is easier than a parcel. |
| People invited to a gender reveal only | No. A reveal invitation should not carry a gift request. |
Who you invite to a shower is separate from who gets the list. A good rule: invite only people you would be happy to see, and send the list to those who ask or who have given you gifts before. How UK showers are usually hosted is covered in who hosts a UK baby shower and when.
What should a list look like so it does not seem greedy?
- A spread of prices. Muslins, sleepsuits and a bath thermometer, a few mid-range things, and one or two big ones.
- Everyday things. Nappies in the next size up, wipes, nappy cream. They always get used.
- Items from any shop. You are not forcing people into one retailer.
- A short list. Twenty well-chosen things look considered; eighty look like a shopping spree.
Not sure what to include? Use the UK baby list checklist. If you want one link for presents from every shop, see our free gift list for the UK.
How do you say thank you?
A note or message within about two weeks of getting each gift is plenty, and for cash, name what it will go towards. A text or voice note is fine for friends; a handwritten card suits older relatives. Keeping track of who bought what is easier with a list that shows it: see how to track gifts and thank-yous.
Frequently asked questions
Is it rude to ask for money instead of baby gifts in the UK?
No, if you are gentle about it. In many families cash is the traditional baby gift. Say what it is for, such as a pram or the first year, rather than asking for money outright.
When should I share my baby gift list?
When someone asks what you need, or with a shower invitation about four weeks ahead. Sharing after the baby is born is also common and fine.
Who should I send the baby gift list to?
Close family and friends who ask, and relatives who live far away and want to help. Send it to individuals rather than a big group chat, and not with a gender reveal invitation.
Does Diaper Reveal's gift list collect money?
No. It does not hold or collect money, so there is no cash fund. It is a free list of presents from any shop, with no app or account for guests.
How soon should I say thank you for baby gifts?
Within about two weeks of receiving a gift. A message is fine for friends and a card suits older relatives; for money, say what it will go towards.
Is a gift list the same as a birth list?
Yes. In the UK it may be called a gift list, birth list, baby list or wish list. It is the same idea: a list of presents people can buy for the baby.